The parent child relationship can take many angles and forms. It may be dominated by certain feelings. There may be an element of lack of trust, secrecy, disobedience, defiance and distance. These are just some of the negative characteristics which may predominate.

As parents, we have to make sure that the positive elements are the ones that are the cornerstone of the relationship. These are building trust, confidence, respect, affection and collaboration. If we can concentrate on these, then the parent child relationship can improve and even blossom.

Let’s face it. If you are getting into power struggles, fights, arguments and other stressful behavior with your child, then the relationship that you so carefully created is on the rocks. The disobedience, demanding and aggression are signs that make you think that you have failed as a parent.

So how do you make your parenting much more effective and establish a calm and ordered atmosphere in the home?  Here are some suggestions:-

1. Instead of having a knee-jerk reaction to cursing and other defiant behavior where you yourself may react negatively and even childishly, try a different tactic. You can explain in a quieter moment why this behavior is hurtful and then offer alternatives. By discussing these aspects with an older child, you can give him options to try the next time. If a child is furious, the best solution is to just go to his room and let him simmer there.
2. If you think that sending him to his room is a punishment for some misdemeanour, well that depends. He may well have his computer, TV and cellphone there, so in a way, this is a gilded cage. The answer is of course to remove these things from his room and make sure that they are in the common area. Otherwise the consequences of isolating him or her in their room may actually backfire and not produce any effect at all.
3. If you appeal to your child’s empathy by asking him how his friend feels when he reacts in a certain way, then this may not work either. Teenagers do not have much empathy at all for others or their peers. It is much better to appeal to their self interest and ask them how they feel about being grounded or sent to his room all the time. If you suggest that things might improve for HIM by using the right set of consequences and motivation, then we have a much better chance of implementing some positive changes.

These are just some of the ways that we can improve the parent child relationship. If we are successful the relationship will flourish and the growth in trust and confidence and affection will outweigh all the negative aspects.